…Can Get In Our Way!
It Doesn’t Work Anymore
There’s the gut-grabbing moment when you realize that your faithful car isn’t. First, of course, cars cannot BE faithful. Second, although some cars remain in good repair far longer than others, at some point every machine will fail.
Fact is, people fail, too. A friend becomes selfish. A trusted co-worker becomes unreliable. I’ve had that happen: Once, in business, a good employee, in whom I had invested a serious amount of time, went on vacation. While he was on vacation he fell back into alcohol addiction. Seemingly overnight he could no longer be trusted.
Truth be known, the SAME problem happens within ourselves. I remember that I had a “system” in college which worked very well until my senior year. Suddenly I was lost. Even though I was doing everything as before I was not getting the same results. It was a gut-grabbing moment.
It turns out that there are people who study this very issue (who knew?). Brad Stulberg says there are “good mental habits” that “work really well—until they get in our way.”
What are a few of those good mental habits and when should we abandon them?
One is SELF-DISCIPLINE. Yup! You find this idea in every self-help book. Self-discipline is the system you use to get the important and urgent done in a timely manner. It is the system that keeps your bank account under control. It is the way you make opportunities for yourself which others miss. It also may be robbing you of joy and relaxation. This superpower can easily take you down the path to burnout. (Which is another thing self-help books talk about).
Self-Discipline is necessary to achieve goals. However, every plan for discipline needs gaps, vacations, wild abandonment of discipline (within reason). Your diet doesn’t allow any cake (and you love cake). So, from time to time you should open a “cake gap” in your diet. Not every day or every week (or an entire cake), but from time to time.
Another is PERSEVERANCE. The ability to keep on keeping on. You might call it “passion,” or “persistence.” “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” This is another key to high performance. You are not going to allow circumstances to deter you from living your best self. I saw this in a certain radio personality…he was on air and performing on the very day his divorce was final.
David Epstein in his book “Range” wrote that if we rely too heavily on this (Perseverance) we may blow past opportunities to try other approaches which fit us better. It is sometimes in our best interest to stop, step back, and look at the problem from another point of view. I saw a cartoon about this. Sisyphus was condemned by the gods to push a rock up a mountain and every morning it was back at the bottom. In the cartoon, Sisyphus suddenly realized how buff he was and how attractive he had become to young women. At least in the cartoon he was able to turn the curse into a blessing.
A third good mental habit is FREEDOM. In America we place a high regard on individualism and self-determination. It is indeed a great strength which draws millions of the world’s needy, and those who are living in systems which crush the soul, across our borders. With freedom of thought, speech, and opportunity anyone with this strength can do or become more than ordinary. In my family of origin it meant that we could move from a poor former coal town to a city where we could move up to middle class. Two older brothers became skilled electricians and I was involved in growing a business. Other families have also explored the Freedom side of life. They, coming from blue collar ordinary families, have gone on to become surgeons, carpenters, brick layers, educators, and politicians.
Yet there is even a downside to Freedom. Erich Fromm, the psychologist, often wrote about the difference between negative freedom and positive freedom. To simplify, negative freedom is freedom FROM constraints while positive freedom is being free TO express yourself. The result of the negative freedom can be anxiety, insecurity, or depression. While humans thrive when there is an emphasis on freedom, most also NEED community. We are not meant to be Knight Riders or Lone Rangers.
I have briefly mentioned only three of many positive mental habits. This short list shows the truth of both the power of these for our lives, but also that they carry some risks.
So, there are serious downsides to strengths! Is the opposite true as well, that there can be upsides to weaknesses? Perhaps on rare occasions…otherwise we would not have Helen Keller, who overcame. Yet I would have trouble finding the upside of being uneducated, impoverished, selfish, hateful or lazy.
We need those strengths mentioned above (and more), but there are times when we don’t … at least for a while. Brad Stulberg, who has researched this concept, says, “Wisdom is knowing when to do what.”
Copyright 2023 Donald Whelpley
[PLEASE NOTE that Don is always open to discussing the thoughts and opinions he shares here and welcomes comments as shared in the comment section. He doesn’t use other social media platforms, as I do, and won’t see whatever you’d like to share with him elsewhere. ~ Sherry]
MORE OF DON’S GREAT GUEST POSTS:
~ Winning The Lottery ~ Why Sarcasm Does Not Translate ~ OOPS! That’s How I Write ~
~ The RE-COLONIZATION of America, pt. II ~ Laws The U.S. Should Enact ~ The Re-Colonization Of America, pt. I ~
~ How To Retire On Less ~ State Song ~ The “Holier Than Thou” Attitude of “The Boy Who Cried ‘Wolf’” ~ THE TRUTH ~ H.A.L.T ~ Where’s The Clamor? ~ Parents Who Lie ~ Odd Places ~ Internet Is Fragile ~ Shopping ~ Student Loans ~ A Government ~
~ Going To Church ~ Anheuser-Busch ~ Hans Van Doorn ~ he Wrong Problem ~ Talking About Money ~ Trustworthy ~
~ A Life More Beautiful ~ TECH with ATTITUDE! ~ Black Drink ~ ~ Public Schools III ~ Public Schools II ~ Public Schools I ~
~ 5-Star Reviews ~ Fractions Matter! ~ Small Spoons ~ Dumpster ~ Weird Forgiveness III ~ Weird Forgiveness II ~
~ Weird Forgiveness I ~ Classified Documents ~ Future You Needs A Friend ~ Feeling Understood ~
~ Starting The New Year Right ~ Awe! Aah! Ooh! ~ Christmas As A Poor (Rich) Child ~ Bigger Problems ~ Blessing ~
~ Climate Change – 2 ~ Medical Science Too Far? ~ Gravity and Light ~ Travel Fun ~ Fascinating People: Gloria Hartman Doughty ~
~ Sadly Magic Words ~ Mulberries ~ Climate Change? ~ SPURIOUS UBIQUITOUS NOISE ~ TEW ~ Credit Card Debt ~
~ Insect Oddities ~ DATA ~ Cities Got Name? ~ The Bible Does Not Say That! ~ Too Old?? ~ Be My Guest ~
~ IN-CRE-MEN-TAL-ISM ~ Bad Friends & Broken Tools ~ Pools Are For The Birds?? ~
~ Animals Hindering Your Financial Freedom ~ The Chicken ~ Finding The Exit ~ Allegheny Blackberries ~
~ Romantic Sunset At The Beach ~ Fun Facts About Carpenter Ants ~ Bad Habits ~
~ Doing Faith Wrong ~ Quirky! ~ Ten-Foot Trestle ~ Settling Estates ~ Living In High Horse Country ~ The Dying Generation ~
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