A LIFE MORE BEAUTIFUL
[Presenting the following in thankfulness to my benefactor, owly.net, who has granted great latitude for over a year. I hope you will enjoy this piece.]
There is a wrong-headed saying that goes: “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” It is as wrong as it is perverse. It is hurtful to those who have gone through pain, suffering, and/or loss. Pain does not make you stronger. Overcoming cancer often creates weaknesses and permanent disability. Sometimes broken bones do not heal well. Even if you ARE stronger after the thing which “does not kill you,” THAT THING is not likely to make you stronger. More often, if you are stronger, it is because of a host of other factors.
Here is a short list of sources of strength after a horrible experience: Family, Friends, Renewed Hope, Unflagging Faith, Deeper Knowledge, Determination and Hard Work. Whereas: Cancer, Loss of Child, Horrible Auto Accident, Heart Attack, Divorce…these are not on that list of sources of strength. Having personally experienced losses, accidents, and life-threatening illnesses the things which brought strength were NOT the losses, accidents, or illnesses. Not once.
On the other hand, there is an art form called Kintsugi which highlights the feeling of regret when something of value is damaged AND the need to embrace the changes. In this special field an artist takes that valuable object (fine porcelain, for example) which has a chip or has been broken, and repairs it in such a way that it becomes MORE valuable and MORE beautiful. Often gold or silver is used as part of the medium of repair. The result creates a work of art that is still functional (although it is now too valuable to use as an everyday item). The damage is very visible, but now very beautiful. The unbroken parts are no stronger than before, but the “healed” damage adds character to the piece.
What does not kill you will CHANGE you. Often it will take you to the point of despair. That is when there is a choice to be made. Will you allow it to take you to the depths of despair, to loneliness, to permanent psychological illness, … or to the artist who can build incredible value back into your life?
Charles was a gracious older gentleman who suddenly lost his bride of 50+ years. He was broken. He was at incredible loss. Then something wonderful happened. He experienced a transition. He was a new man. He still grieved, but he also had joy. He had a spring in his step and a firmness of voice. He decided to do everything he would have done had his wife lived…he visited his adult children, went to plays, developed friendships, observed art at a gallery, and spent time praying for others. In other words, Charles LIVED fully.
When you are pushed to that edge through illness, loss, or turmoil you will face a choice. Will you submit your life to an artist to make your life more beautiful? Will you find “healing” which does not hide the brokenness, and embrace change with a new joy?
Following is a list of things that cannot bring you to the point of “healing:” Alcohol or other addictions, isolation, not seeking help when you need help, avoiding reality. Conversely here is a list of things which can help to bring healing: Connection to others, talking about hurts and joys, faith in God, listing your needs and developing a reasonable plan.
If you are going through a time of brokenness, I wish you more than peace; I wish you beauty. And, if you know someone who is now experiencing loss, connect.
Copyright 2023 Donald Whelpley
[PLEASE NOTE that Don is always open to discussing the thoughts and opinions he shares here and welcomes comments as shared in the comment section. He doesn’t use other social media platforms, as I do, and won’t see whatever you’d like to share with him elsewhere. ~ Sherry]
MORE OF DON’S GREAT GUEST POSTS:
~ TECH with ATTITUDE! ~ Black Drink ~ Public Schools III ~ Public Schools II ~ Public Schools I ~ 5-Star Reviews ~ Fractions Matter! ~
~ Small Spoons ~ Dumpster ~ Weird Forgiveness III ~ Weird Forgiveness II ~ Weird Forgiveness I ~ Classified Documents ~ Future You Needs A Friend ~ ~ Feeling Understood ~ Starting The New Year Right ~ Awe! Aah! Ooh! ~ Christmas As A Poor (Rich) Child ~ Bigger Problems ~ Blessing ~
~ Climate Change – 2 ~ Medical Science Too Far? ~ Gravity and Light ~ Travel Fun ~ Fascinating People: Gloria Hartman Doughty ~
~ Sadly Magic Words ~ Mulberries ~ Climate Change? ~ SPURIOUS UBIQUITOUS NOISE ~ TEW ~ Credit Card Debt ~ Insect Oddities ~ DATA ~
~ Cities Got Name? ~ The Bible Does Not Say That! ~ Too Old?? ~ Be My Guest ~ IN-CRE-MEN-TAL-ISM ~ Bad Friends & Broken Tools ~
~ Pools Are For The Birds?? ~ Animals Hindering Your Financial Freedom ~ The Chicken ~ Finding The Exit ~ Allegheny Blackberries ~
~ Romantic Sunset At The Beach ~ Fun Facts About Carpenter Ants ~ Bad Habits ~ Doing Faith Wrong ~ Quirky! ~ Ten-Foot Trestle ~ Settling Estates ~ Living In High Horse Country ~ The Dying Generation ~
So very profound and life-giving.
Thank you, Mr. Whelpley.
Gwen –
Thank you.
When a person has lived as an adult for a few decades they will have experienced many losses. You have probably witnessed some who came through the loss stronger and others who could not get past the devastation. Fortunately most eventually find peace (or, at least, acceptance). Yet some are fortunate to find beauty as well. My hope is that more will realize that beauty is available and seek it.
Thanks…I[‘m happy to have you here – it is my pleasure!