WACKY CHRISTMAS STUFF
Over time you observe stuff which makes you shake your head. It seems our family notices those things maybe a bit more than others. We want to share a few of those with you.
1. Blinking Baby Jesus. Long ago (BC, before children) we lived in Standish, Michigan. We had to travel to a country site a few times every week, past some gas wells and across a small river. There was one house, on the right side of the road as we traveled north, where their celebration of Christmas included hanging colored lights on the eaves on the front of their house and garage. There may have been some reindeer figurines in the yard, but I don’t remember that very well. What I remember most about their Christmas display was that they had a lighted figure of the baby Jesus at the peak of the garage which blinked on and off. We have seen nothing like that anywhere else in our travels. How do you decide to put a blinking bulb behind a translucent baby Jesus? “Its the only blinking bulb we have … why don’t we make Jesus appear and disappear.”
2. Inflatable Santa. We were on our way to the local city the other day to share a Thanksgiving meal with some friends. There was a light breeze, not much at all actually. Then we saw an inflatable Santa, probably 14 feet tall. It had one arm raised as if to wave but the other arm curled across the belly. Every small gust of wind caused Santa to bend at the waist slightly. It looked like Santa had eaten some bad burritos and had stomach gas. The arm across the mid section reinforced the image. We could imagine Santa groaning saying, “Mama! Oof! I ate too many burritos. Oof!” We laughed for a couple miles with that image in our heads.
3. Inflatable Buc-ees. On our way to Cherokee, North Carolina at the beginning of November we needed to refuel and grab some late lunch. So, we stopped at a Buc-ees mega-store. 100 gas pumps and we had to wait to get one. The others in the car entered the store while I pumped a few gallons. I was interested to see they also had diesel fuel AND urea pumps to replenish your diesel exhaust fluid reservoir. Anyway, as I entered the store I noticed a pallet which held boxes of inflatable Buc-ees (a character which represents the brand…people have their pictures taken next to a guy dressed in the outfit who roams the store aisles). I thought that funny. However, what I did not expect was that they were selling like hotcakes. Who puts up an inflatable Buc-ee for the holiday season? “Yessir! I always put up my inflatable Buc-ee for Hanukkah!”
4. “Holiday Tree.” While I do understand, but don’t like, the greeting “Happy Holidays,” I absolutely detest the sale of or celebrations of evergreen trees as “Holiday Trees.” Seriously? What holiday uses a dead, but still green, tree as a decoration? Hanukkah? Quanza? Festivus? Independence Day? There is ONLY one reason to put up an evergreen in your home or in the town square and it has nothing to do with Thanksgiving or Presidents Day. What is that SINGLE celebration? Christmas. So, I keep wondering why officials and stores keep lying about that decoration. I can take their intent no other way. They are purposely misleading people into thinking it represents every holiday in existence. Yup! That’s my “New Year’s Tree?” No. It isn’t. Never has been. Never will be. The single purpose of a dead evergreen (or plastic replica) is to celebrate JOY to the World. It brought wonder to my eyes as a child when dad brought a forest-grown evergreen into the house. The smell of pine tree was strong. If you touched it you either got poked by needles or found a resin which did not rub off your fingers. Often both. We adorned the tree with the shiny spire, or star, or angel at the top. The ancient painted glass balls were randomly placed all over it (fewer as I aged because we lost a few to breakage every year), metallic tinsel draped across the boughs (which ended up on and in every surface of the house by January … sometimes we would find stray tinsel into the summer). It is NOT a “Holiday Tree,” Folks. There is no way to make that symbol “inclusive.” Sometimes, when I am more irritated than usual, I belligerently ask aloud at the store “Which holiday is it for?” It gets me no where, as the executive decision-makers aren’t there. They are at home putting up their Christmas trees with their families.
5. Stupid “Christmas” Songs. First, some “Christmas” songs are merely “Winter” songs. I dismiss them outright as frauds. They should be saved until after Christmas. Second, some “Christmas” songs are disgusting and should never again see the light of day. I’m thinking “Baby, Its Cold Outside” and “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.” The first is a guy trying to seduce an unfortunate woman (that never has brought “joy” to my heart, nor should it). The other is the story of a grandfather who found a creative way to kill his wife (which makes me cringey-angry that it is played so much for Christmas). There are others and you know which they are. Do you remember shopping 50 years ago? Most of you don’t…you weren’t born yet. Stores had extensive Christmas displays both outside and inside. They spent more on hi-test fishing line alone back then to hang the candy canes, giant ornaments, snow flakes, noel signs, etc. than today’s retailers spend on their entire Christmas displays. Many store had “flying” sleighs with packages, a Santa and several reindeer guiding it. Christmas music was piped continuously to all shoppers, even in the parking lots. Greeters hailed shoppers with happy pronouncements of “Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.” Now going shopping is the same as shopping in July except there are a few “Sale” signs hung inside the store written in red and green and more irritated shoppers. Greeters don’t greet. Music is about as generic as they can make it. If there wasn’t snow outside and coats for sale inside you wouldn’t even know it was winter, let alone Christmas season. If I paid attention to the lack of “joyousness” I would merely think of Christmas as the beginning of dirty slush season. Fortunately, I have experiences from my youth I can recall which help to fill me with the joy I should have. Every year my wife and I seek out a church musical or cantata. One nearby institution of higher learning puts on an incredible music event by local artists and students. The experience is top notch. It is definitely something which puts one in the mood to celebrate.
Copyright 2023 Donald Whelpley
[PLEASE NOTE that Don is always open to discussing the thoughts and opinions he shares here and welcomes comments as shared in the comment section. He doesn’t use other social media platforms and won’t see whatever you’d like to share with him if you post it elsewhere. ~ Sherry]
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