It isn’t very often that my spirit lags but tonight is one of those nights. I just get tired of the pain, chronic pain – as many people know – wears constantly on a person. I have OA from my jaw to my feet, it started in my spine when I was way too young and has been marching on for deacdes. It has affected my legs so the pain prohibits me from doing 90% of what I want to do in life. I have a brain that I don’t recognize still, it was exchanged for my perfectly good brain during a stroke 12 years ago, and it doesn’t think or respond or understand or communicate like my original brain did, and I believe is a cause of my intermittent vertigo. Strangely enough the type of cardiovascular disease I have – which accounts for 10% of all heart diseases but 50% of all deaths from heart attack – has the least impact on my daily life than the other things (though it was likely the cause of my stroke).

I deal with it. I don’t talk about it, or whine. Just…sometimes…like when there’s more pain involved in walking 10 feed to get something to drink than it’s worth, it’s easier to just be thirsty. Or when I don’t go somewhere with Pete, though we always did everything together, because the pain or vertigo or instability is too great to even get down the stairs and out to the car. Or when I have a bunch of great meal ideas for Pete but can’t even stand long enough to make them.

But I’m sick of it. I want it to be over, I want to be Home, I’ve had enough.

Sorry, guys…just being real. I’ll be back to my normal positive and cheerful self tomorrow, probably.

One thought on “Whining

  1. I love you in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until death – we depart TOGETHER. Hoping our mansions in Heaven are next to each other.

    This is something I want to share with as many people as I can. God is faithful, my protector and so much more.

    This is a Praise report. I just turned 70 today. Looking back over the years past I have to thank God for being there for me. Here are examples of God’s protection:
    1 – Jesus did for me what I could not do for myself – He rescued me from the law of sin and death – Thank you Jesus.
    2 – The day I received water baptism, I fell asleep at the wheel and put my car into a deep drainage ditch – I survived – the car didn’t
    3 – Slipped on ice many times, hitting my head on the concrete or ground – seeing stars – God was with me
    4 – Almost arrested for carrying a concealed weapon – God took the rounds out of my gun
    5 – God was there when I was a radio operator and one of two people who were within seconds of WW III with Russia
    6 – Almost got shot in Turkey
    7 – Almost thrown into a Turkish prison
    8 – As a Cop, a criminal with a knife came close to stabbing me in the back
    9 – As a Cop, had to investigate a Bomb Threat – we are not trained for that
    10 – Came closed to cutting my leg with a chainsaw
    11 – Flying on an aircraft that the identification system and radio went out over Germany. 2 German fighter aircraft could have shot us down
    12 – Had PEs/DVT (Pulmonary Embolism/Deep Vein Thrombosis) in 2006 – family was notified that I would not make – God was there and sent an angel to heal me
    13 – had been in 3 car crashes – one from a rear hit and the other was head on – one was a side strike from someone backing onto the highway from the median
    14 – Got shocked by electricity a couple times – once while I was lying in water
    15 – Gas fumes from a heater – pilot light went out – could have died from the fumes
    16 – Survived a year in South Vietnam – many attacks on the base and once 112 rockets hit the base
    17 – Diagnosed with Cancer from Agent Orange in 2017. Doctor would not operate on the Prostate with a PSA 5 or above. Mine was 443! God has worked on the cancer which though it is in my bones – has been down to 0.02. God also saw to it that I got the medications I needed one of which is $8,000 a month! I pay nothing for it or my other meds – THANK GOD!
    Today, as I mentioned is my 70th birthday. I have MUCH to be thankful for and to give God the praise and glory.

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