I guess today’s thoughts have been centered around my doctor’s visit yesterday. I got a shiny new diagnosis and another med to take, along with a fistful of orders for further tests and even therapy! So while I don’t think my personal health and medical issues are something I want to share with the world, I will share enough that my thoughts about it all will make sense. Starting from the end and working my way backwards.
But first, I went in for this recheck after seeing her a few months ago, and not necessarily for a bunch of new stuff. Then I walked in with a bunch of new stuff. My quality of life has tanked since my appointment in the fall, and I have gotten low enough that I finally asked for help. So whatever she had planned, it didn’t happen. She is the sort who can think on her feet though, which was good. Anyway…
…the therapy is for vertigo, which I’ve had at low levels since my stroke in 2008, and which has been jumping out at me now and then when I least expect it lately. So she ordered VRT, or vestibular rehabilitation therapy, to see what can be done to improve this whole vertigo thing. Though after all these years I’ve adapted, this new thing of sudden jumps of the dizzies is none too pleasant.
Further tests are for kidney, thyroid, cholesterol (of course! since I’ve reached a certain age!), and glucose. Well, the latter doesn’t surprise me since after eating for so many years on LCHF (before it became synonymous with “keto” which didn’t used to be the same thing at all) I’ve started experimenting over the last couple of years with IF and OMaD as I tried to incorporate carbs back in once in a while. The last couple of blood tests have shown that these experiments are unsuccessful. So I’d already gone back to what worked for me for about 15 years. Then the cholesterol: well, I’m in my 60’s, so it’s protocol. Thyroid checks are good for some of the issues I’ve been having, several could be attributable to hypothyroid. And kidney is to delve further into the values from the last couple of blood tests + symptoms that I’ve been having. And it’s this last that earned me my shiny new diagnosis: renal insufficiency.
It was evident to me what that meant, I thought; it sounded like my kidneys needed a little kick in the pants. But I thought no more of that than any of the other things she’s looking at, until I decided to do a neeva check on the term. After the next half-hour or so of reading some articles from trustworthy sites it sounded to me like it could be Something To Worry About. (BTW, I’m not. Worried, I mean. More on that in a minute.) So I’ll do some more reading, especially some anecdotal data by those who live with it, since I feel like I’ve got enough preliminary medical info for the moment.
In my interactions with other people who have lived through – or live with – life-threatening issues I have found that I am far from alone in learning to live without worry. To be consumed with worry about things over which I have no control is WAY back in my past. It comes down to dealing with our own mortality. We all are mortal and all will die, and I daresay most of the people brushing their teeth or tying their shoes in the morning have no idea that within hours (or even minutes) those activities will have been among their last on earth. Young people, old people, in-between people – all have the potential to be smacked with their own mortality at any minute and many of them do, without warning.
Those of us who have maybe a little more warning, such as life-threatening health issues, are much more aware than the average person of our mortality. We’ve thought it through, we’ve prepared as much as can, and are living with the awareness of it and of its unpredictability. When you’re in your 20s and heading to your first day of your new job…47 and about to embark on a cruise with your wife…12 and flying down the road on your bike without a single care…92 and enjoying the sun on your face as you enjoy your tea in the garden…you’re not thinking about the potential that exists you could be meeting your Maker Any. Minute. Now. And, chances are, you aren’t ready. Your papers aren’t organized, your final wishes haven’t been conveyed, and you probably aren’t even dressed for the occasion.
So while this diagnosis may just be a rule-out in this case or not, I’m not worried because I’m ready. I know my Savior, first and foremost. I have thought through my death many times over the years; every time some new thing pops up with my health, in fact. I know where I’m going and what to expect during the getting-there as well as as much as I can know about THERE. I’m excited to see my Jesus and to be able to sing for Him without anyone covering their ears and to run and take in all of the beauty and worship Him nonstop and forever which is something I’ve long wished I could do right now. I may not always be dressed for the occasion, but still…
With all that to look forward to, why worry?