Some of this is written tongue-in-cheek, and I did use a couple of words that I normally wouldn’t. I would hope that this doesn’t apply to most gentlemen who read this. But there is enough of this going on out there that I felt it necessary to share this.
As a married woman I have no interest in online dalliances. And I make that clear in my profiles when I join a social platform. I’m pretty sure the men on these sites are literate, since they have to be able to read to use social media. So why on earth can’t they understand “I don’t chat with men”?
I have left sites in the past because of this issue. Some places are great and manage to keep the horndogs under control, somehow. But it is a huge problem elsewhere! HUGE! A couple have been so bad that every single male from whom I accepted a friend request quickly opened a chat window. BIG NOPE! So I left. Not worth deflecting a dozen – or more – men with less than honorable intentions every day just so that I can enjoy some interesting interactions online, especially when it’s so easy to find elsewhere.
Easy solution: Decline every request from a male. You’d think so, wouldn’t ya? Well PRETENDING one is a female so as to ensnare women once their request is accepted is only one of the tricks they use. Claiming to be happily married is another. It would seem these people are so desperate they will lower themselves to any depth in a pathetic attempt to get a little online excitement.
(Hmmm…so if they’re as “hot” as their profile pictures show, then why do they NEED to be so deceptive? If one is a great catch, one doesn’t need to lie and cheat to be caught.)
Because I have also become friends with some lovely honest men online over the years, it would be a shame to decline every friend request based on (supposed) gender. So I have a set of rules I follow. It is absolutely CRAZY that I have to do all of this before clicking yes but that’s what it has come down to, if one is a lady with integrity and high moral values.
I have no idea why this is such an issue on some platforms and so well-controlled on others. But if I declined your request, you can be sure it is for one of these reasons:
- the photos on your profile are all glamour shots
- your relationship information is “complicated”
- you are single or divorced
- your attempt to sound too-good-to-be-true is obvious
- you are brand-new to the platform
- you only have female friends
- you haven’t shared a single original thought, only reposted others’ posts
- your photos prominently show children and/or pets – but no women
If you think these are too critical, please be assured that every single one of my criteria is the result of experience. Every. Single. One. And on those few occasions that I have let my guard down and gone against my better judgment, it was a mistake. Every. Single. Time.
So let’s say that I make that same mistake again, and the dreaded chat window pops open with a “friendly” comment such as, “I love your smile!” “Wow, you post some great content!” “Where do you live?” “How are you doing today, babe?” <shudder> What happens next? You won’t get a reply; I will simply block you until the end of time.
I mentioned that I have made some lovely gentleman friends online. None of them came from accepting a friend request with anyone who used any of the above ploys. No, once I get to know someone through groups, see original posts that interesting, and your genuine personality is apparent, a friendship is possible. A friendship; not an online flirt-fair or a worse.
Really guys, if a lady says right in her profile that she’s not interested, she’s not interested. Give it up.