WON’T FOLLOW ADVICE
People (generally) don’t follow advice. My wife is a counselor and she is ultra careful not to give advice. She gives thought starters. The client figures it out for himself. People don’t follow advice, instead they do what they feel is “the right way” (an emotional response).
Research proved it. More than 3,500 adults, studied by Grossman et.al., no matter where they lived, were found to be more likely to rely on their own intuition or reasoning than to take advice from anyone else, including EXPERTS. In an article about this, Nautilus said, “For better or worse, it’s our own counsel that we trust most.”
I am not much different 🙂
I have pretty good intuition and some serious reasoning chops. Sometimes I figure out hard stuff with just a couple vague clues. Then other times I can’t figure it out even when someone takes the time to explain it step by step. Now, when it comes to extremely dangerous stuff, I obey the experts. For example, I have never lit a match to check the level in my gas can (do not). Experts explained it could end very badly. I don’t look down the barrel of my shotgun to figure out why the cartridge didn’t fire (do not). I don’t swim with sharks or alligators. I don’t work on electricity with the circuit energized. I listened to experts on those things. But what about building a ramp to the porch? I design my own, of course.
Then there’s this: from the same article Nautilus said: “What’s ironic is that we expect others to make their choices differently than we do.” Yes! You don’t follow advice, but you expect others to do it.
How often have you taken the time to carefully explain why conservative investors always beat the market … only to have your friend jump into the most risky investment available? Why do people think, without any proof, that day trading is a serious way to earn an income? Why does your nephew think he can speed down a back gravel road at 75 mph when it is clear to you that the crown is merely loose gravel? You tell him to “take it easy,” but he KNOWS what he is doing! (And he will still think he KNEW after he wraps his truck around a tree.)
Truth is, neither you nor anyone around you makes decisions based on facts. If you did commercials would be a waste of time and money. Commercials are emotional vehicles. “Calgon is an ancient Chinese secret?” If your daughter uses that certain product at that certain time of the month, she will enjoy riding a horse? I doubt that is a “fact.” It is an emotional “sell” which is careful to not come across as ADVICE. Emotions sell, facts don’t. That may be why so many commercials use poor English grammar; good grammar doesn’t convey emotion. Free sells. Scantily clad young women sell … Facts?? Not so much!
People are egocentric. You are egocentric. You are “people.” Most of the time people are about 60% egocentric in their decision-making (some are 100%). However, when stress is high or a quick decision needs to be made the percentage of egocentrism balloons. When are you most likely to make a bad decision? Take a moment to think about this …
Good question, “When?” That moment is exactly when you need a good decision. That is the moment you’re most likely to do it your own way. When you are under the greatest stress is EXACTLY the time when you SHOULD ask for and listen to advice. It is also the time when you are LEAST LIKELY to follow it. LEAST LIKELY!!!
There are some people I know who ALWAYS make the worst decisions at the critical point … and lose AGAIN and AGAIN. Do you know some young person who always gets into relationships with the worst offender? He or she can’t be helped! He can’t even be trusted to make a good decision when it comes to the woman with whom he chooses to allow access to his checkbook, his house, his truck, and his dog.
Sad.
THE LESSONS:
If you are an “Advice Giver:” – Forget giving advice UNLESS you can make it sound like it isn’t. Give a commercial. Sell an emotion. Make it sound like fun. “Hey! Let’s go for a ride over to the dentist. He’s having a special!”
If you are an “Advice Recipient:” – Take a second look at the advice given. Maybe use the opportunity to do some research. If the advice is “almost entirely unlike tea” (something you normally wouldn’t follow) maybe you can learn something new. I wish I’d have done that a few more times. It could have saved me a bundle of grief.
It is curious that most retirement advice (I read them and write them a lot!) is ignored. In fact, most of it is written “to be ignored.” It is written just so these experts can rejoice that another fool “did it his own way and failed.” Is that why they write those articles with the SAME person in mind (some middle-management dude earning $150-175k per year who rides a bike to work)? On the other hand, I write mine with the person in mind who was actually middle class and living from paycheck to paycheck. Odd, I know!
Truth is weird. Truth is actually factual most of the time. For instance, no one thinks about this, but the last time every living human being was on earth was 25 years ago. We have had people living in space stations for quite a while. Weird. Factual. No emotion included. I guess I’m suggesting that when it comes to important decisions look for the weird (fact-based) answer not the “sexy” one.
“Want the (soft breeze blowing curtains background) most fun adventure of your life? Obey the traffic signals.” I have a coupon for that!
Copyright 2025 Donald Whelpley
[PLEASE NOTE that Don is always open to discussing the thoughts and opinions he shares here and welcomes comments as shared in the comment section. He doesn’t use other social media platforms and won’t see whatever you’d like to share with him if you post it elsewhere.
ALSO, Don is always open to offer his thoughts on various topics. If you have a specific request, you can let him know in a comment; he reads – and replies to – them all. ~ Sherry]
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