GUEST POST from Don – When You Are An Adult

WHEN YOU ARE AN ADULT

“WHEN DO YOU STOP BEING A GIRL, AND WHO GETS TO DECIDE?”  – Headline from “The Face.”

The article topic is really about film making.  OK.  But it raises a significant issue for America.  When does a boy or girl become a man or woman?

In one state you can’t be left alone at home until you are 14, at the same birthday you can babysit for children under the age of 14 with no adult present.  That seems arbitrary.

Oddly, a child, age 14, can have intimacy with another child, age14, and that is OK?  But if the other child is 17 it is no longer OK.  If both are at least 16, but not over 17 it is OK again.  Two days later, if one just turned 18, but the other didn’t, it is no longer OK.  If one party does not agree, no matter his or her age, it is not OK again.  (“I need a program.”)  A neighbor, age 30, has relations with a neighbor, age 18, and that’s permitted.  But if the neighbor, age 30, is a teacher or a coach it is not OK.  But a boss, age 30, has relations with with a person under their authority, age 18 and that’s OK again.  Oh, and if the teacher is a professor and the 18 year old is a college student it is also OK.  This is so convoluted that no one can make sense of it.  There should be standard rules. a) Minimum age allowed.  b) Both agree.  c) Until age 20 no person more than 2 years older can participate, unless they are married.  

In some states 14 year olds can marry, most make that 16, all allow if 18.  Can we standardize this?

We have the same problem with age at which one can drive.

Then, no one under 18, whether married, driving, or having relations can sign a valid contract.  He can’t have a credit card in his own account.  He can’t rent a hotel room or get a car rental.  He can’t even give himself an aspirin without an adult present.  However, she can get a tattoo at age 16 without parent permission.  She can get an abortion at age 16 without adult permission, even though she needs a parent’s permission to get her ears pierced.  See?  Its a bit convoluted.

I have trouble allowing 15 year olds buying their own clothes.  Some have never been taught that belts were created to be worn at the waist.  

I’ve moved from the point.  There should be a standard age of when a boy becomes a man.  That age is not when he gets the hots for some girl; it is when he can be trusted to make good decisions.  Fewer than 20% (not only my opinion) of boys age 15 have that ability.  And they don’t all have that ability at age 24.  (Some 50 year old boys should not be given a credit card.)  Instead of an age, maybe a sensibility test?  Pass the test and you are a man!  (Vogue writes, “According to researchers at the University of Cambridge, who scanned the brains of around 4,000 people between the ages of zero and 90, the brain stays in its adolescent phase up until… our early 30s, which is when we ‘peak.’ That’s right: we’re not adults until we’re approximately 32.”)

Presently a 16 year old in most states hunt for small game without an adult present.  Hopefully that 16 year old knows how to clean and cook it, and will wash the pan and utensils, too.

Here’s my take on things…it all should make perfect sense!!!  In other words, it shouldn’t be a political decision!

I think it reasonable that 14 year olds should still be considered children and should not be allowed to make any adult decisions.

At 16, with a parent’s express permission (written and signed), that child can do some adult things when an adult is present…Go hunting, learn to drive, get married (if allowed in that state).  A few other things should be allowed, such as getting a job or babysitting (I would never want a 14 year old in charge of small children).

At 18, that person shall be permitted limited adult responsibilities.  He/she should be given a “adulting learner permits.”  It can be revoked if they make stupid mistakes.  I don’t think this group should be allowed alcohol, tobacco, or illegal drugs (lose the permit). At 21, he gets his “man-card” and is fully responsible for every choice made (she gets her “woman-card”).

Now, some think womanhood and manhood begins at puberty.  Er, not so fast Einstein!  The trouble with that equation is that neither boys nor girls have completed their physical growth at that point.  Most girls start menses around age 11, but they “ain’t full growd” until 2 or 3 years later.  Intimate activities can damage their bodies if they become active too early.  Boys start puberty anywhere from 12 to 15, but again they are often not done growing until 17 or 18.  Nature says, “You aren’t yet.”

Our kids were required to build an emergency fund.  After leaving home, if you find yourself in a bad situation you need to have the resources to “get outta’ Dodge.”

In my mind there is so much more than intimacy when it comes to being a man or woman.  Honor, wisdom, a solid work ethic, manners, caring for those less fortunate, being kind, brushing your teeth daily, volunteering to do the laundry at home, and being able to talk intelligently about a range of issues from philosophy, religion, politics, law, engineering, mathematics, history, literature.  Oh, a man or woman doesn’t have to be an expert on Plato, but he or she should know a bit about the philosopher (not the TV streaming service).  Tell me that you’ve read a book about World War II.  Do you know what caused the Plague in Europe (the disease, not the music group).  Explain the basic value of pi (the math, not the movie character).  How does a gasoline engine work?  Give me the basic philosophy which guides each political party.  Men and women should have wide-ranging knowledge about many things.  They should know what informs their world-view.  What would be the first thing you would do if someone fell off a ladder?

Sex?  Bah!  Baboons can do that!

What baboons can’t do is bake a cake.  What skills have you developed which separate you from an animal?  Adults should have some of THOSE skills.  If you’s a “man” you should be more than hormones and bad attitude.  If you’s a “woman” you should be more than cleavage and lipstick.

Government has done an awful job of defining “woman.”  Some high officials can’t even define it (if they were adults they would).  The laws are crazy.  I think my definition of when one is an adult far surpasses any legal definition.

Copyright 2025 Donald Whelpley

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