VIOLENCE AND WOMEN
I still am unsettled. Last summer a beautiful young woman attended church to observe her sister’s baptism. She heard something in that Sunday’s message which touched a need in her life. She started attending more or less regularly and found even more which touched her needs. In fact, she found everything she had been missing (purpose for life, purity, hope, mental health).
Through the process she realized that her relationship with a boyfriend was NOT giving her any of those things, and hadn’t. She broke up with him and moved back home. She enrolled in a training program which would give her a better future. She started seriously reading the New Testament and praying for guidance. Her life was turning positive in every way. She was happier than ever.
A few months ago she got up one early Saturday for work and she told her mom of a dream she had of her ex-boyfriend trying to kill her. She grabbed the packed lunch from the kitchen counter and headed out to her car in the dark. And there he was waiting for her with a gun. She died where she fell. She was 19. A few hours later he took his own life instead of surrendering to police.
TIME tells us that “intimate partner violence is the number one cause of serious injury or death of women ages 18 to 24 in America…”
She wasn’t a faceless victim. I knew her by name. I greeted her in our church. I knew many of her extended family. We live in a small town. Many in our church knew her killer as well.
Even more sadly she is not the only young woman I know who has faced violence. Some have been raped, some beaten, some threatened, some abused in other ways. Our culture excuses so much of this, but we dare not use the wrong pronoun? A pronoun will never kill. A pronoun doesn’t break a nose or fracture an eye socket. Nor has a pronoun ever raped. Bad people do those things, not bad tongues (not to excuse bad tongues, but to clarify the significant differences).
Recently a tennis star was emotionally shaken when she recognized her stalker sitting in the stands watching her. Stalking is not OK.
We have permitted too long the violence of people who try to steal plane seats, people who break into homes, people who threaten store owners, and those who sell illegal substances. Thousands of people die of fentanyl poisoning every year (some in my home town, too.) We need to stand against these evil ones. We don’t need them.
Young women need OUR protection. Teen dating violence is up. One organization declares that 1 in 3 teen girls have experienced it. Undue pressure to engage in sex is up by over 25% compared to just 8 years ago. As a result there are marked increases of depression and anxiety among teen girls. I could go on.
It is not the only way, but we CAN begin at home. Teens won’t want to talk about these things, however we can give them some tools.
Second, encourage prosecution. It is never OK to injure. So, there are apps which constantly record sound and/or video in background. There are location apps for teen phones. To prosecute you need proof you said “no” and resisted. Otherwise it is “he said, she said.”
More importantly, teen girls should be taught situational awareness. Where is he taking you? When will you be back? Will drugs or alcohol be involved? Who else is present? Do you know these people?
Speaking of awareness…did you leave your beverage somewhere when you left the room? If you did, get a new drink. If someone hands you a drink but didn’t ask for one, pass it to someone else. Drinks are dangerously easy to drug. Drugged girls are easy to misuse.
Speaking of awareness…why are you running alone? Take a buddy. Single person attacks are much more common than duets or trios. (Safety in numbers is a thing.) Speaking of buddies, watch out for one another at parties and bars, too. Women need GOOD friends; friends who encourage right behavior. A bad friend is about the same as an enemy. Who needs those!
Young women have to be “the smartest person in the room.” Its not “fair,” but it is reality. They need tools, too, like mace, whistle, and security apps on their phones. For example, an emergency app which sends a code to a trusted friend with a quick tap and swipe.
Finally, young women need to become aware of the common red flags. Avoiding obviously bad actors. Watching for attitudes and behaviors, turns of phrase, etc. which signal “this person may not be trustworthy!” Entering relationships with caution and allowing the true person time to show up.
Why is it that all my suggestions fall on the heads of the young ladies? (Should I talk to their abusers instead?) Here is my reasoning: I believe women can be strong and smart if they have the tools they need and are taught how to use them. Laws don’t stop criminals. Women need to be their own best first line of defense. If they take no effort, there is little anyone else can do for them. But I’m not putting it all on their shoulders. I am asking parents to equip them and support them. I am asking friends to be friends and watch out for them. I am also pointing a finger at the descent males in their lives to “be fully aware,” notice and push back when they see bad behaviors and attitudes. But that puts good teen boys in the crosshairs, too. (I am grateful for one boy I know who stood up for my daughter after her drink was spiked at a dance. She woke up confused and angry, but safe. It wasn’t her fault. It rarely is.) Bad people do bad things when given half a chance.
Finally, as someone smarter than myself (A.S. King) said, “The more we talk about it, the more we can break the silence and encourage survivors of abuse to exit, find safety, and tell their stories.”
Copyright 2025 Donald Whelpley
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One other thing we, as Christians, can do is to pray for those who are caught in Human Trafficking and pray for the children that they will be brought up in the way they should go so they will not depart from it when they are old and also; pray for their safety wherever they are, wherever they go.
Thanks, Thomas
From my own life experiences I know there’s value in prayer. It is powerful, especially prayer for our children. I wish that was all we had to do. But to be honest, in a recent survey in one city, only 10% of homes were represented by those attending church on a single Sunday. 10% praying and training up their children with spiritual values. Thus, perhaps, the evils we are seeing against young women in society? I might add, passing laws is a weak path. Yes, pray. Yes, pass laws. And…