STRANGE HEADLINES
I have a mantra (why not!): “Lying is bad, truth is good.” The following are not about either, per se, but about ??wacky headlines?? purporting to be “news.”
AP had this one: “Man with mental health issues found naked in Minnesota Capitol, raising new security concerns.”
What about this “raised new security concerns?”
Was it that he had mental health issues? NO.
Was it that he was naked in a government building? NO.
It was that he was found in the Senate chambers after the building was closed for the day.
Now, re-read the headline.
Fox News had this one: “Fire chief makes surprising discovery after hot dog spill creates highway havoc”
What was his “surprising discovery?”
Was it that hot dogs were shipped in cardboard boxes? NO.
Was it that hot dogs are packaged in plastic? NO.
It was that hot dogs on a highway are SLIPPERY. Understand that there’s a boatload of FAT in hot dogs and fat is known to be slippery.
Now, re-read the headline.
Bustle had this one: “Do You Need a House Purse?”
What is the “Need?”
Is it that you need a place to put things you always seem to have lost? YES.
Is it that you need a place to put things you always want when watching TV? YES.
It is a place you can put your phone, snacks, the magazine you occasionally read, and the remote? YES. YES. YES. YES.
I just put those things in the drawer of the side table. Except I hardly ever need my phone near me. Except the snack I always need is a can of soda (ice cold). Except I read books and seldom watch TV. So, I leave the remote by the TV in the guest bedroom.
I guess we don’t “need” a house purse.
Now, re-read the headline.
Climate had this one: “The Invisible Climate Change Effect That Is Most Likely to Kill You”
What is “Most Likely?”
Is it the rising of the oceans? No.
Is it the increase in hurricanes? No.
Is it the increase in weather (heat, cold, wind, rain)? No.
Nope, it is air quality. Air quality oddly is clearly better than it was 50 years ago. You can now see the Golden Gate Bridge from the hills. Now you no longer regularly smell diesel trucks going down the highway. Air quality? The air quality is clearly better than 50 years ago (before “Climate Change” was the agenda). It’s the Climate Change Activist’s “Scare of the Day.”
Now, go back and re-read the headline.
Pocket retells this headline: “Can Learning a Foreign Language Prevent Dementia?”
Can anything we presently know “Prevent” it? As I understand the word it means to “keep it from happening.”
Will doing puzzles “Prevent” it? NO.
Will taking walks “Prevent” it? NO.
Does “learning a foreign language” “Prevent” it? NO.
The story actually admits “there are no proven steps that people can take to prevent it.” The fact is that no one should suggest that there is anything presently known that can be done to “Prevent” something like Alzheimer’s Disease. Further, there is no medical evidence that Alzheimer’s Disease can even be delayed (note: some claim getting a Shingles vaccine might delay it.). Any story which suggests otherwise is playing mind-games. THAT could be prevented.
Now, go back and re-read the headline.
Pocket re-published this article from October 19, 2018: “This Strategy Makes Procrastination Impossible”
Excitment (sic) about a new habit or routine is like a sugar rush. Here’s how to stop the crash. By Darius Foroux.
Is his strategy to choose better goals? No.
Is his strategy to find a goal partner? No.
Is his strategy to set phone reminders? No.
Clearly his strategy didn’t work. Darius’ thesis is that we should start small. Instead of promising ourselves we should read a book every month, we should merely promise ourselves that we will read a paragraph every day.
Guess what! You still will fail. That’s what humans do.
Now, go back and re-read the headline.
New York Times has this: “Fraudulent Scientific Papers Are Rapidly Increasing, Study Finds.”
Is the “study” fraudulent? Maybe.
Was the “study” done by AI? Maybe.
Can we trust a scientific “study” to be accurate and truthful? No.
Worse, is AI the source of some “fraudulent” papers? Probably.
Fraud happens at all levels. We even now teach students how to do it in high school. There has never been a time of greater fraud since traveling salesmen were selling “Snake Oil” to relieve every sort of malady. Get used to it or protect yourself from it.
Now, go back and re-read the headline.
Associated Press has this: “What to know as Trump’s immigration crackdown strips tuition breaks from thousands of students.”
Do you need to worry about your daughter’s tuition? No.
Do you need to worry about your nephew’s tuition? No.
Who are these “thousands of students” who will be stripped of tuition breaks? Surprise!!! They are illegals!
That’s the whole point of closing the border and deporting those we find…they should not have benefits reserved for LEGAL residents. Simple, really! Here’s a quote from the article (emphasis mine): “Tens of thousands of U.S. college students WITHOUT LEGAL RESIDENT STATUS are losing access to in-state tuition prices as part of President Donald Trump’s crackdown on immigration.” They aren’t U.S. students after all! In-state tuition is not for those who are from another state or another country. That tuition is reserved for CITIZENS of the state. The word “citizen” has a meaning.
Now, go back and re-read the headline.
Copyright 2025 Donald Whelpley
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