ORANGE PEEL THEORY
(Before getting started, I will be posting soon a writing about Mary, the mother of Jesus. Be watching. That’s the commercial; now back to today’s story…)
Ok. Um. I’m not so sure you should trust this theory as an indicator of relationship strength. In my mind it is fairly surfacy. Of course, if your partner is unwilling to do anything for you it would be a strong indication of relationship weakness. I was in a home once where the woman was wheelchair bound and her phone rang in the kitchen. She asked a family member to grab it for her and he responded, “Get it yourself.” Um. Yah! That’s not a good relationship.
What is the “orange peel theory?”
It is the idea that small acts of service, like making coffee, folding laundry, or peeling an orange can indicate that there is strength in your relationship and that your partner is committed to you.
In my mind it merely indicates that your partner is a nice person. Maybe they do these things for everybody? Now if your partner is generally gruff and uncaring AND he/she goes outside the “normal” for you … then maybe it indicates something worthwhile. However, if that is the case … why are you with a gruff, uncaring person? That person will eventually treat you “normal,” too. Is that what you want? Move on before “normal” comes back.
There are things I do for my wife. I do the laundry and fold most of it (I refuse to match her socks … she does not have a single pair that matches any other pair … whereas I have 22 white socks which match every other sock in the pile). I peel oranges, too. I make supper. I sweep floors. Sometimes I wash a window or two (“Don clean” not “wife clean”). However, I rarely put items into the dishwasher or clean the toilets (“my back hurts”). So, how do I rate on the “orange peel” gizmo? Probably about 67%. Come on! Is 67% satisfying to anyone?
But then she does nice things for me, too. She scratches my back (a serious task because a light touch won’t do), she offers to get me snacks (I don’t want them, but she feels guilty getting pie for herself only), and she stained the deck (I dreaded that job and was overjoyed she volunteered when I insisted she do it). I guess she passes the “orange peel” test. I should be happy?
Some have pet names for each other. I stopped my wife when she wanted to call me “Fido.” She refused to answer to “kitten.” However, some couples think it is cute to call their partner by a special nickname. It is often cringe-worthy to hear in a public setting, though. Why is she calling him “SmoochFace?” Please keep your bedroom talk inside your bedroom! That’s too much “orange peel” for me. My eyes are stinging!
What REALLY indicates a good relationship?
– Trust.
– Sensitivity.
– Fidelity.
– Listening.
– Shared experiences.
– Working toward the best outcomes for one’s partner, like putting his or her needs above your own.
When did those go out of style?
If he’s been at home all day while she worked, why does she have to cook supper and clean the house? Man up and walk away from that gaming console and smartphone for a couple hours.
When supper is over, it is not time for one partner to “go out with the gals” or “go out with the guys” three nights every week. You need to spend time together sharing each other’s days and planning the future. Maybe you should explore the many things you have in common including your desires and hopes for kids, parents, friends, and jigsaw puzzles.
It would be absolutely insane to decide to “move in” together just because he peeled an orange for you. What else has he done? A good relationship is far deeper than a piece of fruit. If your standards are that low then here’s a sarcastic test for you:
Is she breathing? Yes? That might be an indicator of a good relationship.
Did he brush his teeth this morning? Yes. That might be an indicator of a good relationship.
We need far higher standards for the term “good relationship,” I believe.
So, where did this “theory” come from anyway? “TikTok.”
That kinda’ explains everything, doesn’t it!
That also explains why it is so popular at-this-particular-point-in-time. Tomorrow it will be forgotten. Maybe it should be.
One final thought. Why not? Why not do nice things for your significant other? You should, you know! You should be willing to do something special for that someone special. If you can’t imagine yourself going out of your way for that person you claim to love, it is hard to believe your claim of love.
Copyright 2023 Donald Whelpley
[PLEASE NOTE that Don is always open to discussing the thoughts and opinions he shares here and welcomes comments as shared in the comment section. He doesn’t use other social media platforms and won’t see whatever you’d like to share with him if you post it elsewhere. ~ Sherry]
See more GUEST POSTS from Don!
Comments