“WHO’S A GOOD BOY!!!”
When I was very young, prior to school age, we lived on a 2 lane country Lane 3 miles from town. There we owned a weimaraner. We were poor, so I am sure it was not pure-bred. However, its nature was very accurate for the breed. Good around kids. Protective. Enjoyed shared activities. Didn’t drool.
Let’s just say, to a small tyke he was HUGE and gentle. We didn’t have much in the way of outside lighting and there were wild animals, as well as a couple horses and a few cows nearby. So, I was not fond of being outside alone after dark. But when that dog was around, I had no fear. I remember hugging his neck and he just stood there and calmly “took it.” He was a giant “Good Boy!”
His problem, as it turned out, was his tendency to roam the countryside. One morning he came back with a bullet hole in his cheek. It took a while to heal. He didn’t learn his lesson. Next time he didn’t return.
Recently, I’ve been noticing some things about our car.
Our automobile has been “programmed to be afraid” for us. We never asked it to “watch out” for us. Someone programmed it to look for all the dangers which we have successfully avoided in the last 100 years of driving (50 for me, 47 for my wife, and ~ 4 for our daughters using our cars).
For instance, our newer vehicle has auto-hi-beam. It flashes back and forth (usually at the wrong times) based upon some sort of unidentifiable algorithm. Our last car was a 2005 Buick. It had cruise control and buttons for all the windows. We did just fine.
This car has “lane assist” or some-such to tell us when we might be wandering off the road. Unfortunately, in our area many roads are 1 ¾ lanes wide. When another car is coming it is wise to slow down and find a wide spot to scoot just off the pavement. The fraidy-cat car kept trying to herd us back on the road until we found out how to cancel that feature.
Every time we park, even on a perfectly level spot, the over-protective car program sets the emergency brake. I could see that if we were parking on a 3% grade, I suppose. But is this vehicle thinking it is going to wander off if we stop on the bubble and put it in park? What person in Kansas needs this feature? (If you’ve ever wasted an entire day driving across that state then you know why I say that.) I don’t want to turn this program off, but it is uber-irritating.
One feature of our “just-look’n-out-for-you” car is its “adaptive cruise control.” We don’t think we will ever like it. Coming up behind a semi on a 4-lane during a moderately busy stretch of road, one does not want to pull out into the passing lane too soon. Other drivers wouldn’t appreciate that. BUT, the adaptive gizmo won’t allow you to get near enough to quickly zip around. It slows us down WAAAY ahead of time (for our safety) and forces us to unsafely accelerate using (gasp!!!) the gas pedal with our own feet. Mr. Adaptive would rather we trail the rig for 10 miles until there is a mile-long break in traffic. You say, “But isn’t this feature adjustable?” It certainly is. We have 3 choices: Trail by ¾ mile. Trail by ½ mile. Or, trail by ¼ mile. In driver training, we learned to pass at 1/8th of a mile … so …
“Accident Avoidance” is a nonsense feature. 5 car lengths ahead another vehicle is turning right into a parking lot … if the driver of this car has not already placed his or her foot on the brake pedal, the hyper-sensitive program will impatiently and loudly let him or her or it know that he or she or it MUST be more alert. Our car is into pronouns, I guess.
One hilarious feature built in to “protect” the driver: A warning that it may be time to take a break. Can’t tell you how many times it has come on mere minutes into a drive, just after we stopped to take a break. The hilarious part? It usually comes on just when there is absolutely no place to pull off the highway. “Who’s a good boy!!!”
Our hyper-sensitive to driver issues vehicle also tells us to watch out for icy roads. Just the other day it was 45 degrees F. just an hour before we started the engine. Two minutes into our drive the snowflake appeared and a chime sounded to alert us that the temperature outside was NOW 39 degrees F and there could be icy roads. I think we would know when the conditions were right for icy roads. For one, when it is that cold we both usually put on jackets (but the car isn’t programmed to know useful facts like what the driver is wearing.)
Now every time our sensitively-programmed car alerts us to the “dangers” we just laugh, pat the dashboard and say in our most pet-friendly voice, “Who’s a Good Boooy!!!!”
Copyright 2024 Donald Whelpley
[PLEASE NOTE that Don is always open to discussing the thoughts and opinions he shares here and welcomes comments as shared in the comment section. He doesn’t use other social media platforms and won’t see whatever you’d like to share with him if you post it elsewhere. ~ Sherry]
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I remember when power steering and power brakes became “things.” We had crank windows, self-set mirrors, standard transmission, a button on the floor for high/low beams, bench seats, and three-speed wipers. And gas was 23.9 cents (when .9 was needed to distinguish between the good stations and the budget .8 stations). The only high value things they have added since are safety glass and seat belts. Those save lives. Have to say that I do appreciate a/c on hot sticky days and cruise (old bones don’t like not being able to adjust position while driving).
Yup! And I remember going somewhere with Gram, and she said, “When gas gets up to 30c a gallon, that’s when I will quit driving!” Things were just fine then, as I recall…
This morning the topic on one of Pete’s nets was fly-by-wire and how that has evolved into drive-by-wire…WOW, now THAT is a topic! We hadn’t heard the term before but it was quite a discussion! Are you familiar with it?
Yup! Some cars already have brakes and throttle by wire already. They are imagining that steering by wire would be good…except when steering by wire goes out at 75 mph at the same time as brakes by wire … it ain’t going to be pretty.
It was amazing to us how many of the people involved saw no potential issues with the concept…