INTRO TO “SUBMISSION”
There are a few problems “experts” have when interpreting Scripture. They already know that context is the most important part of interpretation and type of document is significant (Wisdom literature, Poetry, Prophetic, Historical-Narrative, or Theological … using terms you might understand, though they often use other terms). For instance Daniel and Revelation use a ton of symbolism and maybe those passages should be taken less literally than the plagues in Egypt before the Exodus. Accepted!
Another issue is that some declare “Scripture interprets Scripture.” Well, God revealed his nature and purposes OVER MILLENNIA. So, should we interpret Genesis using Romans? That’s iffy, isn’t it! It is even more iffy in reverse. Recently, studying Colossians I remembered that it was written BEFORE several New Testament books, therefore its intended readers had not read The Gospel of John, Hebrews, Revelation, I & II Peter, I, II, & III John, and others. So, when Paul wrote in his letter to them about “the supremacy of Christ” (chapter 1) this could have been the FIRST TIME they had been exposed to that. Paul had never met the Colossian members, so they certainly had not heard such from him … So, how can we honestly use any of those yet unwritten Scriptures to “interpret” Colossians, even in those places where the same subjects are discussed?
Second issue I have with interpreters is that they deny the “context” of the people to whom the letter is sent. God’s message to the Colossian believers might have a different intent than His message to the Ephesians. Here is where I seriously differ from most Bible interpreters … I believe EACH Scripture passage is God’s Word, and has something to say that MAY be different than another passage. I am willing to compare something said in Romans with something similar in Galatians, but if I am studying Romans I want to know most of all what God is communicating to the ROMANS. Compare and contrast all you want for your own enlightenment, but preach and teach THIS passage.
OK, ‘nuf ’bout that!
I came across the place in Colossians where Paul talks about marriage and other relationships. This was written BEFORE most other passages on the topic. It was written to believers Paul had not met. Yet he had something to tell THEM about marriage. WHAT DID HE TELL THEM? Two verses: 3:18-19.
Most messages I have heard on this topic seem to fall into two camps. The first camp are those preachers and teachers who want to use the Bible as a club to pummel women (and sometimes men). They want to insert the fear of God into the marriage relationship, insisting that if you are not following this you are sinners headed to Hell. Yikes!
The second camp tends to BLEND the two verses into one so that no one will ever be able to accuse the speaker of being sexist. This actually may be worse than the first. It denies the importance of either command and makes the commands DEPENDENT on each other for interpretation. You can see the error of this camp the moment you separate the commands and dig into each separately. The command to wives is not only totally different than that to husbands, but can be understood fully ALL-BY-ITSELF without the command to husbands. That is true in reverse, too. And putting them together as one message is false as well because there are commands to children, fathers, slaves, and masters that immediately follow. To randomly connect the command to wives ONLY to the command given to husbands does not make sense in that context (even if you include supporting Scriptures).
So, let’s dig in to Colossians 3:18. “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.“ (ESV)
What is the human context of those words? This is something I’ve never heard any teacher/preacher delve into (nor most commentaries). I believe that non-believing wives usually behave in ways that are NOT submissive to their husbands, both in Colossae AND now in America. They hide small purchases, they make decisions they know their husbands would not approve of, they spend time (now) on FaceCrab or (then) at the marketplace gossiping when they should be doing more important things for the family. They ignore their husbands because they “don’t feel like it right now.” (I know this is true because a recent report suggested that nearly 30% of long-term marriages [beyond 10 years] are non-passionate. Not all of these can be assumed to be the wife’s fault.) THAT is how it is in the secular world. Not all Christian wives have grown up in a healthy home where Christian virtues were on display. Thus, many have no Christian example of being appropriate in marriage.
We are also commanded in Scripture to “be holy as I [God] am holy.” Impossible! Yepper! Impossible!
But it is a command we are REQUIRED to fulfill. We CAN’T do it in our own strength. God works IN US to do and will. The Holy Spirit does what we are willing (but not able) to do. It is a matter of trusting God with yourself.
So, wives are instructed here to “submit” to their husbands. My goodness! AnotheIntro to “Submission”r impossible command, right! Absolutely! Impossible! I’ve never met a wife who could in her own strength. Nor have you! Even when the wife has a husband who is doing what God commands in verse 19 she can’t submit fully. The Colossian church wives must have been tearing their hair out over this one! Who is Paul to tell them to do this? It isn’t natural. It isn’t doing business as usual.
What most preachers/teachers do with this verse is talk about “what it means to submit” as though it is something wives CAN do if they try hard enough. They neither mention that it is impossible, nor that it takes a total dependence on the power of the Holy Spirit.
What they also never mention is that this is not sexist. They don’t want anyone to even think about it in that way. But it isn’t. Sexist talk would be like this: “All women must submit to men.” Which is NOT what Paul says. Paul doesn’t even say that girlfriends must submit to their boyfriends. Even if you’re living together, but not married, his words do NOT apply. It is strictly in a marriage relationship. Even more specific, it is strictly in a marriage relationship where the WIFE is a believer. It is clearly not required that the husband be a believer for the wife to obey this command. If you want an elsewhere text to prove that it can be found in I Peter 3:1-2 (written years later).
This “submission” thingy should make Christian women be a bit more careful who they agree to marry! Ask yourself, “Is he someone to whom I would be willing to submit? Or, is he too lazy, selfish, rude, or demanding?” Submission is not hard, it is impossible. Why would you wish to make it any more impossible? Wow! There’s a concept!
Finally, I’ve never heard this truth: This command cannot be enforced by husbands. It is totally OUT of his control and he has nothing to say about it. He can’t demand it as “his right!” What does Paul say? Does he say “submit to your husbands, because it is his right?” NOPE! It is directly tied ONLY to the believing wife’s relationship with the Lord. She “submits” because she loves Jesus. “Period. Dot.” (see “Husband Love” coming soon.)
Copyright 2026 Donald Whelpley
[PLEASE NOTE that Don is always open to discussing the thoughts and opinions he shares here and welcomes comments as shared in the comment section. He doesn’t use other social media platforms and won’t see whatever you’d like to share with him if you post it elsewhere.
ALSO, Don is always open to offer his thoughts on various topics. If you have a specific request, you can let him know in a comment; he reads – and replies to – them all. ~ Sherry]
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