HARD LAUNCH
Since time began (for humans) couples have been searching for a way to make their relationships permanent. Unfortunately for many, they shouldn’t have.
I think everyone has seen initials carved in a tree (don’t do that to a tree) or the spray painted declaration of love on an overpass bridge (don’t do that either). Romantic folk have written little poems. Teen girls have worn their beau’s varsity jacket. Some guys have worn some girl’s ring on a neck-chain. A long time ago, as a joke, a sophomore lady and I announced our “pre-engagement” because that was a “thing” about then. Neither of us had been pre-engaged before and thought it a riot. By the way, we weren’t even dating. (All announcement and no follow-up.)
With the coming of the internet it got a bit more cringy, I think. Suddenly pictures of new couples pop up (at least for a few days) on their special faceplant accounts. Replaced the next week with a picture of the girl and her new puppy, I guess.
Historically, the hard launch was the wedding. It was a family event. Two sets of parents, grandparents, and siblings standing in the living room while the young couple take their vows in front of God. Then, sans honeymoon, the couple moved into the little cabin in the woods and continued working as they did before … tilling the soil, planting, harvesting, saving up pennies so that one day they might have a washing machine. (Hopefully before the first little tyke arrives.)
The same deleterious issues have always existed to end those relationships: Alcohol, gambling, laziness, anger, infidelity. That’s the problem, one person cannot direct the behaviors or attitudes of another. When one person falls down the relationship does too.
Hard launches fail for the same reason: Emotional highs will only take you so far. After the high you need to have quality “product” to keep you in business. A relationship takes even more “product” to keep it in business. You need a set of behaviors and attitudes which come from willing heart (those that come from the will, not the emotions).
BIG THING # 1: Here is a teeny-weenie secret: Relationships are very, very, very hard to maintain without “product.” (Kindness, thoughtfulness, care, looking into the other’s eyes, holding hands, a spoken “I love you,” etc.)
If there is not a WILL to maintain behaviors and attitudes, there is always another option: A vice or a prettier face. That second option never goes away, so both people need a WILL to stick to Option 1. One’s WILL always shows in the behaviors and attitudes.
OK. I’ve mentioned behaviors and attitudes several times. What do I mean?
Behaviors. There are loving behaviors (not including kissing, hugging, and such). Making her a cup of coffee when she wakes. Taking out the trash on Tuesdays, Fridays, and Sunday nights. Inviting him to talk about his day during or after supper.
Attitudes. Wanting the other to know you love him/her. Desiring to spend time together exploring a mountain trail every week. Being willing to spend 2 hours at the in-laws and smiling the whole time. Finding ways to improve yourself because that benefits the other.
BIG THING # 2: Many forget is that feelings aren’t facts. (Yes, it is a “fact” that you have feelings, but the feelings aren’t facts in the same way that 1+1=2). Long term relationships are built on a foundation of hard facts. If you want a relationship that will last then you have to make many things about that relationship factual. Fact: honesty (vs Feeling: “I want it to be the truth”). Fact: fidelity (vs Feeling: “My heart needs what it needs”). Fact: caring (vs Feeling: “I do what I must”). The fewer hard facts the less stable the relationship. Fact: openness (vs Feeling: “I sometimes sneak a little for my own sanity”).
Choose the facts you believe must be true in order for the relationship to be good for both parties. Then build on those facts (behaviors and attitudes). Feelings will follow facts, but facts seldom follow feelings.
BIG THING # 3: ALL behaviors and attitudes have consequences. Do something loving and the consequence is two-fold … you feel more love and the person you did it for feels more loved. Big consequence for a little action.
Do something selfish and the consequences follow, you lose respect for yourself and so does the person who loves you.
Before “hard launching” on your faceplant page, you might want to come to an agreement on a few hard facts that are important to your relationship. A few ideas follow (not a complete list) …
Honesty
Respect
Friends
Healthful Living
Financial Control
Avoiding Alcohol and Drugs
Once you get over your initial excitement over liking someone who likes you back, it is time to really TALK and set some serious ground-rules for the relationship. A partner who is truly interested in the relationship will always behave differently than one who is interested in himself or herself only. Trust behaviors and attitudes more than words, and don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions.
Save your “Hard Launch” for when you can SEE that your partner is ready.
Copyright 2025 Donald Whelpley
[PLEASE NOTE that Don is always open to discussing the thoughts and opinions he shares here and welcomes comments as shared in the comment section. He doesn’t use other social media platforms and won’t see whatever you’d like to share with him if you post it elsewhere.
ALSO, Don is always open to offer his thoughts on various topics. If you have a specific request, you can let him know in a comment; he reads – and replies to – them all. ~ Sherry]
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