DO AWAY WITH THESE WEDDING TRENDS
How many times do you have to hate something before you say so? You may not agree with all of the following, but I bet you can think of a time when …
Pictures After the Ceremony.
Please! You have lived together for how long? So, what’s the harm of letting him see you in your expensive dress before the ceremony? Get the pictures done first so after the ceremony you can move immediately on to the reception. Honestly, your guests will be SUPER GRATEFUL. Those little mint cups do not make up for a three hour wait on a folding chair. And skip the useless limo ride through the city. No one outside of the reception participants gives a “stool sample” about your wedding, so why are you pretending they all do? Vanity?
Second Issue with Reception Timing.
If the reception is supposed to be at 4:15, when is the meal? Should the guests carry sandwiches and chips into the reception? Stop waiting until the wedding party arrives to begin serving the guests. I went to one and the catered meal started to be served at 6:45. I can’t wait that long to eat (I’m not the only one who has blood sugar issues). I should have just gone home.
Third…
Music so loud you can’t talk with anyone. Been to a few of those. Wished I had brought noise-cancelling headphones. The best moment of the reception was when I walked out of the place. To be honest, I feel the very same about loud restaurants. (I’ve never hired a jack hammerer for a party!)
Destination Weddings.
Destinations are for honeymoons. Get married where your guests live. If you HAVE TO do a destination, rent a jet for your guests. Can’t afford it? Right!
Garter Toss.
Again, he has already seen your thighs, there’s no point in the garter thing. It is distasteful.
Cake Smash.
This is one of the cruelest things you can do to the one you say you love. I can count on one finger the couples I know who smashed cake and were still married 5 years later. Cruelty doesn’t bode well for long-term happiness.
Stag Parties and similar Bridal Events.
Yah! The smartest thing you can do during the week before your wedding is get drunk, have sex with someone you don’t know, and wrap your arms around a toilet? If there ever was a good time to do those things it was before you met each other.
Childless Weddings.
If your event is going to be for drunks and foul language, as an adult I don’t want to go either. The events should be uplifting and give hope. I’ve been to some which were contests: who could down the most free alcohol. I’d far rather have a spoiled brat whining at the next table.
Down-Payment Dress.
If your wear-it-once wedding dress will cost more than $10,000 you need to step back and think of all the other foolish things you’ve done with money. You are impressing no one but the bridal store saleswoman. Reality tells us that at least 40% of first marriages fail. $5,000 buys a 60% chance at a happy marriage, would $10,000 make it more likely to last? That’s a bad gambling debt, not a dress.
Twice as Many at the Reception than at the Wedding.
Whoa! Why do you want to spend lots of money on people who didn’t want to hear you say “I do”? A wedding ceremony takes all of 45 minutes. Anyone who cares about you would be glad to be there. The new couple can just freeze the leftover chicken breasts. You may appreciate those far longer than that jerk who only wanted a free meal and drinks.
This is your Third Wedding.
Get real. We’ve been here twice before and you will want us to come back for #4 and #5??? Second wedding is OK. Anyone can be forgiven for one mistake. You did not stop. Going to a third wedding is like setting up bleachers to watch a train wreck, which they did in Texas once and people were killed.
Making it “Official.”
Listen up!!! If you already have had two children together it is clearly too late for a big wedding. Get married at the courthouse and call it good. Its the same question which came to mind when I was doing pest control at an infested home: “What made you finally decide you had too many cockroaches?” Same here: “What made you decide it was FINALLY time?” Did he get released from prison?
Ink.
I know some people love ink and piercings. I don’t mind a discrete thing on the wrist or shoulder, but when I can’t see flesh colored flesh where the dress or suit doesn’t cover I begin to wonder how many other bad decisions this person is making. And forget those metal balls of snot hanging from the nostrils. “Here’s a Kleenex.”
So, KEEP THESE:
- Vows. You should repeat them and mean them.
- Flowers. When you want to celebrate, flowers show beauty and joy.
- Rings. They tell everyone who should care … “I’m taken.”
- Respect. This is not the time for crudeness or rudeness. Get a coach in you need one.
- Love. If you don’t, then why waste my time?
- Joy. We came to see you be happy, not cranky. Get a good night’s rest, choose a wedding host or hostess who can handle any weird things that happen, and relax. You are among friends.
Copyright 2025 Donald Whelpley
[PLEASE NOTE that Don is always open to discussing the thoughts and opinions he shares here and welcomes comments as shared in the comment section. He doesn’t use other social media platforms and won’t see whatever you’d like to share with him if you post it elsewhere.
ALSO, Don is always open to offer his thoughts on various topics. If you have a specific request, you can let him know in a comment; he reads – and replies to – them all. ~ Sherry]
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