LESSONS LEARNED
Oh! I don’t think I’ve got the handle on everything yet. However, I have been reading a book by David Finch. He is a married man with Asperger’s Syndrome who is trying to be a better husband (“The Journal of Best Practices”) Probably EVERY husband should read it because whether we are on the Spectrum or not, since most men make those relational mistakes from time to time (he did continually). In any case, it got me thinking about what I’ve learned.
Every generation learns the same lessons. Mostly too late.
1. Education matters. Some never took the time in first grade learning the simple difference between “to, too, and two.” That loss will dog them their entire lives. They will lose the bid to be hired at the job they want. They will be marked down by wise professors. Maybe they will lose the opportunity to date a gorgeous woman who wants a “smart” boyfriend.
2. Risk has a risk. Science has shown that those who are risk-averse are more likely to live longer (and healthier). Wise people sit down and count the potential costs of a project before they begin building. I remember a family, during my formative years, who lived in a basement. The father started to build a house, but ran out of money. The house never got built. We all have heard of the silly person who has a $35,000 income and bought a $105,000 car. “Stupid is as stupid does.” Some achievements include risk, but most of those risks are unnecessary ones. Others have climbed Mt Everest. Your name will never be mentioned outside your own family if you do it, too. If you die trying it is unlikely your family will be able to bury your body. Sign up for the Mars trip instead. High risk, if you die your family won’t be able to bury your body, but at least your name will go down in history.
3. Parents die. Even if you don’t agree with their ideas and behaviors, there will probably come a time when you will kick yourself for not spending more time with them. You spend time with friends who often don’t have the same values, and you think nothing of it. Why not your parents? Plus, your parents can change their wills.
4. Enjoy traveling when you can enjoy traveling. Don’t wait until you retire, do it when the last child leaves home. (They aren’t coming over anyway.)
5. Develop new friends for your older years. Your college chums will be across the country and your high school pals have faded like the blue jeans you used to wear. Retirement friends are more likely to last for your (remaining) lifespan.
6. If you want a hobby, pick something profitable. No one cares if you can glue together pieces of a balsam airplane. Take up painting and sell your art. Build picnic tables or sheds. Whatever it is, it should pay for itself and put extra change in your pocket.
7. Don’t loan money. Even if it is $20 for gas, either gift it or say no. No one has time for the irritation of waiting for their money back. It isn’t coming! You will lose friends (and family) by saying “yes” to a loan.
8. Don’t allow adult independent children to move back home. No one wants to be dependent again. Your space becomes “their” space. They won’t do dishes or laundry. Better to pay a portion of their rent (in decreasing amounts) for 6 months than allowing them to move in. If you never want this to happen to them, teach them young to plan for trouble. I taught mine to create a “Get out of Dodge” fund ($5,000, but inflation makes it more like $10,000 now) which they could use if their “wonderful” relationship went sour.
9. Think ahead. Oh, yah! The more “what if” plans you make, the more you will be ready “if.” When you are young you think these kinds of plans are hokey. Old people are more likely to have mobility issues so eliminate slip ‘n fall opportunities. Stop climbing that ladder. Keep fit. We have a fund we call “We want steak for supper, not dog food” (we get steak when we want).
10. Schedule the good stuff. Bad stuff doesn’t pay attention to a calendar.
11. Life is far shorter than you think. Cashier at fast food place was having her 22nd birthday right in front of me yesterday. In 22 more years she will be 44. She may not make it to 88. So, she is likely more than a quarter “done.” When she reaches her top age, I wonder if she will be sorry or glad for how she spent those years. (Consider this, government schools keep you sitting at a desk until you are 18. Was it worth it, or should they speed that up so kids finish school when they are 16 and can get a job or move on to college?)
12. Love is always a choice and never a feeling. Feelings fade fast, then what do you have? (Annoyance? Irritation? A long-time commitment to a short-term feeling? Children?) If you choose to love, and do what it takes to keep the commitment, the feelings will tag along.
13. It pays to be pleasant. Funny how people respond to how you behave! I told my children that the best way to pass a class was to impress the teacher with pleasantness and excellent work in the first month. By the end of the semester that person, doing B work, achieves A grades. People respond very well to pleasantness.
14. Life won’t be fair. Not at all, ever. Things will happen which will ruin your day. Cancer, accidents, losses, someone less qualified gets the position you applied for … you can’t count on things trending in your favor all the time.
15. God exists. If he were like you then you’d have a reason to hate him. If you could control him you would have a reason to despise him. He isn’t like you and you can’t control him.
16. Nothing is permanent. People switch everything in their lives, except tattoos (those, unfortunately ARE permanent and you will grow to dislike any you have). People switch jobs, houses, cars, artwork on the living room wall. Even your taste in shoes will change. If you are like me, you can’t stand foods you once loved and love foods you hated.
17. Actions WILL cause reactions. Believe it! What you think is a witty criticism will astound no one. We learned in pest control that creatures react. Put out something called “red quill” (long, long ago) to kill the rats and the rats WILL learn not to eat anything with that in it. It is true about pests, it is also true about people. Do something mean to someone, and, guess what! They respond VERY negatively in return.
18. Finally, evil never wins. It always causes pain and suffering, though. Some would call that a “win.” I don’t. Beat evil, not with more evil, but with good.
OK, I want to hear, in return, what YOU have learned…
[PLEASE NOTE that Don is always open to discussing the thoughts and opinions he shares here and welcomes comments as shared in the comment section. He doesn’t use other social media platforms and won’t see whatever you’d like to share with him if you post it elsewhere.
ALSO, Don is always open to offer his thoughts on various topics. If you have a specific request, you can let him know in a comment; he reads – and replies to – them all. ~ Sherry]
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