The SEARCH
My wife and I have not walked away from a church before. Sure, every time we moved to a new city we had no choice. However, we never had to develop an “exit strategy.”
After the decision to leave, as painful as we knew it would be, we called the pastor and calmly expressed our reasons. We also met with a few close church friends to explain that we weren’t giving up our friendships. It wasn’t about them. We were careful to not “draw away” anyone, since peace and love are essential. Those people are good friends and we do things together often.
So, our next task was … find a place which felt like “home.” That meant a place which had insightful preaching, good music, and friendly people. We prayed about it.
On paper we narrowed our search to ~ 15 churches. Further research proved helpful. How far do you want to travel? Half were 40 minutes or more away. One was a “single extended family” church…which is OK if it was a house church, but as an 80 year old country church it was not.
We tried a large church in a nearby town. High quality music…check. Location…check. Comfortable…check. Friendly…check. Doctrinally sound…check. … Prayer and worship…check. One thing remained, preaching. The first two weeks there were guest speakers and both were marvelous. Did I mention that we had attended this church decades before when I was a student? So, we had familiarity. However, when the head pastor returned something was off. We gave him three chances. He was a good speaker, well organized, with lots of humor, but I have a very high requirement for preachers which I share with significant writers (like J.I. Packer): The preacher stands between God’s Word (Scripture) and the people. He makes clearer the mind and heart of God both in words and actions. “This is the way. Walk ye in it.”
It saddened us: We had spent 5 weeks, had begun to settle into this congregation and it wasn’t for us. We had made plans to join a small group.
Back to the search.
One place looked good to me, but my wife said she knew an attendee (she’s a therapist) and that could be professionally awkward. Ah! Well!
Many churches have their services streamed on Facebook. So, I tried to shorten the search. WHAT A MESS! Facebook has got to be the absolute WORST place to advertise or promote your worship services!!! (Same is true for restaurants or other businesses, by the way.)
I know! Government COVID restrictions forced churches to use this platform, but we are post-COVID now and I think it is time for churches to set up their own productions. They take a bit more work and expense. They require better video equipment and more finely tuned microphones. But, really!!! If its worth doing at all its worth doing well.
When I eat a piece of milk chocolate I like to taste the smooth sweet flavor of real milk chocolate. Nothing on Facebook was even close to real. Closest I could come to “good” was one which I call white chocolate, it almost tastes like it might be related to chocolate, but leaves a bland oily aftertaste. That’s Facebook! I beg churches to use a more suitable solution.
There was one benefit to the Facebook search … we eliminated two churches which couldn’t even achieve Facebook’s minimum standards. How technologically challenged do you have to be to fail at that?
We chose the two most likely candidates and went to visit each. Ah!!! Peace!!!!
All boxes checked at both places. Though seriously different from one another we found two places we believed we could call home. We went to each two weeks at a time, switching back and forth. That’s when we found the flaw. (This is why you should never date two people at the same time.) However, in our defense, no one had trained us how to search. We just wanted to find a place to belong.
So, we found two wonderful congregations. Not peace! We had to make a choice before we seriously connected with others and made friends. THAT is a problem because if you know my wife you know she makes instant friends everywhere she goes. By the second visit she was already calling people by their names. I remember faces, but if someone said their birthday was on Tuesday my wife will remember the name and date forever. She even remembers neighbor phone numbers from her childhood (I can’t even remember my current number … which I’ve had for 14 years. I think it starts with some number greater than 2). She’s a people person.
Ergo, this Sunday we will make the decision. The place we choose will be OUR church and our people. We will become involved. Other visitors will come and we will be among those friendly faces they meet. Not being a “people person” I count friendliness as a spiritual gift, I am willing to go outside my comfort zone to make others more comfortable. Whichever place becomes home it will be the right one.
God is good.
[PLEASE NOTE that Don is always open to discussing the thoughts and opinions he shares here and welcomes comments as shared in the comment section. He doesn’t use other social media platforms and won’t see whatever you’d like to share with him if you post it elsewhere.
ALSO, Don is always open to offer his thoughts on various topics. If you have a specific request, you can let him know in a comment; he reads – and replies to – them all. ~ Sherry]
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We have chosen.
Happy with choice.
Peace.
Praise the Lord, for He is worthy of praise!
Amen!
I believe that when trying to find a church one should have an idea of what one should want. Having lived long (and having been part of a few churches which were in some way unsatisfying) I know better than most what makes a good experience for a believer (and perhaps what unbelievers should look for).
It can’t be a single focus, like “the building has a cross on top.” No. There are much more important things, like “the people have the presence of God within them.”
AGREE!! As you know, we have been (and probably are) seeking, long distance, with lots of considerations. I believe that God leads us to visit different churches for His own reasons – he can use us (even in a single visit) or there’s something we need (ditto) – until we find “the one”; no visit is wasted in the meantime.
We have also found many blessings (good stuff) with each place we attended. I kept reminding myself, “don’t expect perfection, expect something God wants to tell you.” (which, in itself is perfection).
Wonderfully put!